Prologue
The Genealogy of Miya Chan
The book of the genealogy of Miya Chan, the daughter of Spring-Love, the daughter of Jeannie Peng.
Spring-Love was the son of Yong (永), and Yong the son of Yan (衍), and Yan the son of Dao (道), and Dao the son of Zhi (志), and Zhi the son of Yi (ㄧ), and Yi the son of Da (大), and Da the son of Wen (文), and Wen the son of Kong (孔), and Kong the son of Zong (宗). Spring-love was the father of Shi (時), and Shi the father of Lai (來), and Lai the father of Ming (名), and Ming the father of Qi (其), and Qi the father of Xian (顯), and Xian the father of Ah-Chu, and Ah-Chu the father of Dezhen, and Dezhen the father-in-law of Jeannie Peng, the Queen of Zhubei, of whom Miya was born, was ancestors’ favorite.
So all the generations from Spring-Love to Miya were nine generations, and before Spring-Love there were nine generations.
The birth of Miya Chan
Now the birth of Miya Chan took place in this way. When as her mother Jeannie was espoused to Frank, Jeannie’s ovulation day was extremely punctual and she was ready to become an alcoholic. Then Frank her husband, being just a man, does not know how powerful his sperm was, and therefore thought he is just having sexual intercorse. Miya, as a sperm at the time, made it first to the finish line. But there was no egg. Miya, though upset that there was no egg, did not want to give up her desire. Other brother and sister sperms followed, seeing there was no egg, either killed themselves or waited with Miya and listened to her inspirational talks. Thirteen days later, all the fellow accompanied sperms were dead, and only sperm Miya was still meditating and waiting. When Jeannie’s egg came, Miya saw there was a name tag on the eggshell… “Egg Miya.” Sperm Miya dived into Egg Miya. It was the second to the last Spring of the 20th century. Sperm Miya was the chosen one, and so was egg Miya. Together they became one Miya, as a human, as a reflection of God, as all ancestors’ benevolence.
–
I
II
III
Once upon a time
there’s a far far away land
creatures grew out from
the soil of pain
nourished by the unknown.
On that land there’s a princess in charge — who
was never born to the son of man, who knows more than a heap of image.
Son of man, you can not guess, can not comprehend
a girl straight from the light,
testifying your wrongs.
The vices left from human evolution
you see none in her eyes.
“Eva come here, come inside,
thank you for being my best friend.
I now know that intelligence is
the real imposter, wisdom stop us
going back to heaven,
but all that labor working in vanity, throughout the globe
throughout history,
is for my Eva to be herself once!”
IV
外面正在下大雨，雷聲和足球場的警報聲此起彼落，你很喜歡這種天氣，大地受到滋潤，滋潤乾凅死寂的奧斯汀，大家都得乖乖待在家修行，哪都別去。
今天是希特勒的生日，去年的今天你和松鼠在波特蘭，簽證剛剛被取消。前幾天看了一部納粹戰爭片「歐羅巴歐羅巴」，好多種聽不懂的異國語言，真是好看，給你這種為生存、為上帝說謊成性的人莫大的安慰。
去年在波特蘭時，你路過了逃難到美國的猶太人倖存者建立的紀念園區，在那裡抽了很多大麻，靜坐了兩三個小時，把石碑上每一個字都讀完，你受到很多天使的祝福，爾後手隨便捏兩下就是一顆美味的Falafel，爛掉的香蕉變成美味的蛋糕。陽世不知陰世事，這齣戲沒人看的懂，而你也似懂非懂。
你從開始接觸社群媒體就有這個習慣：每過一段時間就要把過去所有的筆跡刪除、刪除所有的好友、刪除帳號、重新申請一個帳號，燒毀所有的記憶，重頭開始做人。這次很不一樣，媽媽踢掉了臭皮囊，你也懷孕了，一死一生，此次重生規模絕非一般。你需要做的，只是好好檢視別人做的不好的一切，還有他們的一切不安全感，免得他們到時來審視你、懷疑你、攻擊你、貶低你、干預你的生命主權時，你又為這些微不足道的雜念黯然神傷。
你繼續整理媽媽的遺產，你繼承了他真正的一切，即使你還有些許的罪惡感。
V
spring, summer, fall, winter
how many time shall we repeat
spring, summer, winter, fall,
how many times do we repeat
fall, spring, fall, spring, fall, spring
we die and come back, and die
and come back.
spring, fall, spring, fall, spring, fall
we come and go, and come, and go
what I see in the sky
we die
then we go
or come back, or we don’t
spring, summer, fall ,winter
spring, summer, winter, fall
VI
今天奧斯汀午後又是一陣天雷地動。你漸漸了解了春夏秋冬的厲害，也開始有一套自己的生活作息，於是對春天的陰晴不定不再感到不適。你繼續整理媽媽的部落格，又回到了小小的八樓公寓，那個比現在大很多的世界。
你骨子裡其實是個非常誠實的人，因為你知道，誠實乃為人類進化的關鍵，每個人若能都坦白一點、有種一些，經濟理當會進步，生活效率也會高出許多，天才們能肆無忌憚的活著，各種史詩才能得以出世。你媽媽常常說，你是一面照妖鏡，從小安靜的給惡人欺負、給愛才之人寵愛，長輩們也很喜歡帶你外出，因為你總是在觀察，不哭鬧，也不老問大人那些孩子們一一呀呀的蠢問題。
她是唯一沒有老去的，只是身先死了。其他留下來的大多都老去了，腦子裡裝的全是糨糊，卻又握有所有權利和資源，沒有人和你想的一塊去，所有計畫窒礙難行，看看那些殘缺的、弱勢的、年幼的，什麼時候會輪到你們呢？你很想知道毛澤東當年到底是怎麼把年輕人的心團結起來的，你的哲學悟性不比他低，但你誠實的多，能夠做的更好。
下一次開電腦是五月九號，真是不可思議。事情一下子變得太快，你總覺得喘不過氣，去年的這時後還在蒙大拿的山上，浪跡天涯，和全世界的教育體制嘔氣、青春痘長個沒完沒了呢。
VII
mama is in my heart
before, now
and forever
we were never hypocrites
my one and only, a true friend
we dreamed epic together
suffered together
see god together
when you gave me life
you lived in zhubei
your apartment was on the eighth floor
when you die
you lived in zhubei
your apartment was on the eighth floor
you light up the eighth house
you choose to pass away
in the most beautiful day
the most beautiful February day
you walk on rainbow after rainbow
snow melitng, bunnies jumping, happy new spring
stars shine on you
angels welcome you
you die like that goddess story –
my dearest love, my dearest,
in your dream
we live eternally
I love you
I wish you all the best mama
I love you forever and forever
I love you forever and ever
forever and forever
VIII
Everything in April reminds her of God
it was sunny and rainy and snowy and rainy and snowy and sunny and rainy and rainy and sunny.
She love being trapped in beautiful places
she will tell you: there’s a continent
To an island and everything in between in this nation… If you stay in Shasta long enough you will be in Mars too.
She found everyone in this country
She found her greatest fear and God
In this land she never had to work for a real minute
God fed her spring water and butter, tells her to rest well.
:don’t go to church
God tells her all you have to do is to sit with the ducks and watch Columbia river and the rocks, the boats, the kids in playground screaming.
She started to forget where she came from
Her mother and her mother’s land, nourished her and abused her but turned out the world is in one so never mind the abuse.
She’s with God in the west coast now,
She is home from Anchorage, Maui, San Diego and all the way to Manta.
Everything could happen in the West Coast
She sense it, because that was where she found God
Everything in April is God
April 23, 2022
IX
Ah,
some of you kind,
all died in WWII,
and all born in chaos again.
Jan 13, 2023 should be marked twice,
I feel bad,
so my mind went back to that little apartment
next to the hospital I was born.
Mama and my kind, were bearing
bearing and bearing some years,
before that, life after lives.
“when is our time?”
“Mama, in the name of mine, our ancestors are hoping
heavenly, bathing in faith, in my vein,
I am the risky
sea sailing
war dearming dreaming there’s a war coming
death wish it gets me
me, daughter of Gemini, son of the bitch roaches, immigrant kind!
I am the queen in this universe
universe of peace
finally
X
地球！我來這的時間不長，看的也不多，所以若講的不公正也請不要指責的太嚴厲。這裡有白人、黑人、棕人、黃人、和紅人⋯白人能做的事最多，他們制定規則，把人歸類為各種顏色的主意也是他們想出來的。有些的他們喜歡把自己搞的醉醺醺或嗨茫茫的，進而生產出一堆稀奇的點子，且非得實踐不可。黃人很多，但心情大多不是太好，他們負責把白人的點子變成物質。棕人心情比黃人好點些，他們負責煮飯、務農和清潔。黑人負責打籃球和跳舞。其實黑人還有很多工作，但地球人好像暫時不在乎那些事。紅人比較稀少，大多的他們都被趕到山裡或曠野。
我在今天的地球上被分配做黃人。很多人告訴我，我的生命起點如何不幸，但事實上那不過就幾天的事。我是在台灣一個小鎮的菜市場門口被撿到的，當時我只有五天大。我的養父母對我不差，他們在我最脆弱無助時盡力照顧我，讓我的生命得以延續至今。我爸爸在我小時候老是逗我，說是沒有人要的孩子，弄得我很傷心，但我媽媽告訴我說賈伯斯也是沒人要的孩子，這可是天大的安慰。我爸爸媽媽很心軟，我的兩個哥哥也是沒人要的孩子。和白人不一樣，黃人心情沒那麼好，不習慣收養別人的孩子，我媽媽純粹是因為狠不下心拒絕別人才養我們這麼久的，但誰會寧可心軟而不要了自己的一切歲月靜好。
緣分讓我得以認識詹咪呀。她也是黃人，心也很軟，但她很容易對一個人失去興趣，我能和她當那麼久的朋友簡直是奇蹟。不過不能怪她老是三心二意，她和她奶奶一樣，需要比一般人多出很多智慧才能在地球上立足。不過她奶奶可沒她這麼幸運，老人家前半生抑鬱，後半生痴癲，四十五歲之後就沒講過一句清醒的話。這位奶奶雖然長壽但身心具疲，躁鬱症，糖尿病，失智，什麼治不好的症都有，就這樣魂飛魄散的活了八十幾年，其中四十年還是在藥瓶裡度過的。詹咪呀的媽媽也是沒好到哪裡去，今年死了，聽說還死的還挺慘，三年前得了癌症，而且病的很急，身上的器官割去了好多，還打了好多的狠藥，也都是白受罪。阿姨一生勞碌奔波，沒享過半點清福就先痛死了。詹咪呀身為這類女人們的後代當然要記取教訓並另闢蹊徑，年輕的她還在多方嘗試，難免怪裡怪氣。
XI
Boy…
you old
but it’s just your flesh, mind of a child
you haven’t seen half of what I’ve known
I made a deal with God long ago
secretly
quietly
in that dusty room where no one goes –
“I am yours, I am only yours
I ask for nothing more.”
–
Guess who came in my dream
that night, moon is down, God was my foe
twain and poe! speaking my language
taught me love
taught me what’s real
–
when all rules contradict themselves
when men and women became foes
I pray for chaos
I pray for war
–
hope you can see that
I won’t tell
I’m Gandhi coming
I’m Jesus being angry
Hamilton with a pussy
XII
Eva, Fall in Love, Sun is in Cancer.
The most desirable Eva Huang fell in love with two 34-year-old boys during her summer break.
Both boys were in distress.
Youth has just left,
Joy and hope have gone most,
and they stop trying to be pure and bold.
All worn out, soulless, nothing stays in their life but bills and guilt.
The boys took Eva into their bed,
less than one hour they met.
(She had to pretend she liked the sex.
She didn’t like them not washing it down there
mama told her, they are not the same species, not like my kind)
Eva went home,
She looked at the mirror,
saw a lonely girl…
“Sun is in Cancer. I need to be loved.”
“I want to wake up next to my husband for the rest of my life.”
“My lord, I will be his wife. I will be the most ideal mother of all time!”
She lighted up a joint,
sent nudes to both of the boys at the same time.
She looked up to heaven,
praying to God that one of them would stay forever.
–
Update: None of them stay past half of the summer.
XIII
2022 American Dream
Today’s Independence Day.
None of my family members, the ones that are the United States citizens, landlord, broken,
invited me to their barbecue party and saw fireworks.
So I lay on the grass,
and I heard a story about America.
Listen carefully.
“Once upon a time,
there was a little yellow girl
born on the other side of the Pacific ocean
but she loved America from deep down in her bones.
“I made my birthday July 4th,
and for my 246th birthday song,
I put on a siren to sing along.”
“Fuck a green card.” “Fuck a border control.” “Make yourself home.”
said last night to her, George Washington’s ghost, quote on quote.
Her flesh turned American
when cops slammed her face into that hot Texan soil.
Her blood turned American
when the merchants and scientists fed her levonorgestrel, sugar, and diet coke.
Her soul turned American
when she was smoking, realized profoundly….
this be the motto, ‘In God we trust,’
but none of them trust God anymore.
Land of the free is now the land of waste,
and she is all alone at home, the home of the brave, used to be before.
Knock knock.
“Is that Poe, my big American uncle?”
No, yellow girl,
you are America, you are freedom, you are God, you are Poe!
Wake up! Happy July 4th! Happy birthday! Hallelujah! And nevermore, nevermore!”
XIV
if Byron — and everyone else — is insane,
how would Miya have a chance
not being the same?
“I clean my ass every morning
to see God
I told the cops I have no social security, they all believe it
I ain’t lying… we all know that America is safer now,
America has Miya Chan, America has me.”
–
I am earth; I am water
I am wind; I am fire
I am insignificant
I am none
–
a little girl running away for lives and lives
they say she always escape from problems
“but I see no problems, why escape,
I am moving on from foolishness.”
XV
Before Sun in Aries again,
how do I let papa know?
wherever I go
there’s a temple. For my —
Island flesh,
continent heart,
universe soul.
Mercury on my upper lip,
Saturn taught me all,
how do I let papa know.
(ok,
let me tell you what’s going on right now. Miya has been in bed since Adam and Eve time.
She thought she was a genius, but all she wants is to chop off her ears,
eat 米線，油潑麵，
and free China by never talk again.)
But good thing is, God created Eva,
what a perfect woman — kind Eva — so Eva knows.
“America in my mind,
American is my plan.
Treasures stuck in my head,
millions built in my bone.
How do I cash out mama’s legacy,
how do I let papa know.
Mama’s blessing’s diamond, all gold,
how do I let papa know.”
“I was born no better than
that crippled dog
next to a dying whore.
We got raped a few times
in pain? they be lying
no big deal
I am only a few thousand years old,
been quiet until last year, I made a song
🎵
We are witches, we know magic, but they wish us dumb,
tiny feet cunts,
name us wastes,
kill us while we pray.
I’m not sad,
I am Eva Huang,
You won’t believe what I saw
you won’t believe what I’ve come to known, but how do I let papa know?
XVI
he said he’s sick again
but what do I fucking do
I’m sick too
paperless
nothing in my head
have a couple of dollars in my checking
at the moment
(thank god
(thank god
(before the nightmare come again!
but that’s not my money at the end
many people in the world think it’s theirs
I’m telling you all
they will send me some threatening papers to take it away
and I always pay
we are the weak
we are responsible to pay for everything
hahahahaha
everyone knows
we the weaks are responsible to pay for everything in this world
am i not right
am i wrong
no!
hahahahaha
we the weakest
they said there’s a global warming and we paid for it
they said there’s this war that war and we paid for it
they said this need money and that cost 20 billion US dollar and we paid for it
they said Mexican government Honduras government is corrupted and there’s no good education in Mexico and we paid for it
Israel is the shit
Nazi is our fault
china russia doing communism is ok
if not it’s our fault and we pay for it
of course of course
8 billion people on this planet but together they have no power at all they just decay and suffocate the earth of course they all nasty and low creature they need to eat 3 meals a day and work out 3 times a week for at least 30 minutes
and need 32 vaccine for walking around in the street of Indianapolis
and it’s whether no God God is cancer
or there’s nothing but God and let’s pray for Jesus name ( Jesus told me he cares but he actually don’t care what is there to care
that’s our kind
right
that’s our kind
they said this is broken that is need to be fix and we paid for it
Genevan Newsome
his wife’s pussy is holier than all pussies in cali for a fact, let me tell you
I slept on 25th street the other night (bc the air quality was better there)
and a cop nock on them window and told me
Hi Ma’am how are you doing
(Hi sir you mentally retarded? I was on 25th street all night and smoking all night all night sir how am I doing. yes you very polite yes yes yes very good etiquette right right right how are you doing sir? How’s your day been? How’s your mom doing? How’s your dog doing? How’s America doing? How’s Dr. Jill Biden doing? How’s Hunter Biden doing? How’s Nobel peace prize winner Henry Kissinger doing? How’s Bill Gates doing?
ma’am, unfortunately we have to let you know that Jennifer Newsome is better than you, that’s why she is sleeping in her cali king bed and you are on 25th street. her husband is better than your small dick dad
and that’s why Jennifer’s has not worried about her credit score for a while. And you, your pussy is about to be kicked out from 25th street to 26 street, and I will come back tomorrow and kick you to 25th again, because no body knows you in this country and your parents are poor
and you are a piece of shit
get the fuck up
your parents are losers and you know that
(oh of course i know officer, thank you)
(I didn’t go to 25th street
I went back to ucla and sleep on the grass for 4 hours)
(I got woken up by my own snore)
(after I woke up I smoke
(and realized what TS Eliot was thinking)
(I thought it was nice
( I never been to London bridge to see the undoing death
I went to New York City instead and see more undoing death
Brown frog was never here,
but death had undone as many)
we paid for they street lights they firearms they bomb they kids well being
we paid for all they mistake and toy for they massacre and genocide
sons and daughters go die for them
parents and the kids alive go slave for them
your money is not yours
you deserve to pay all
you must work your whole live
“we suffer to survive”
you must do things you hate
because someone across the ocean high af and hoping you to do more
“we suffer to survive”
you must be with mediocre the whole time try your best live a thriving but mediocre life
“we suffer to survive”
Hi
this is her again
sorry
: oh no you’re good!
sorry but am i the only one survived here that read the whole bible?
: yes
in two language?
: yes
in five religion?
: yes
WE SUFFER TO SURVIVE
(and God is yelling from the far, couple million light years away ——— we don’t ——— but no one was listening
( I wish very hard to god that
her son would never had to go through what I’ve gone through
for sure he will)
ok but so what’s now?
not much
I burnt the bible
:why do you burnt the bible?
it burn well, first of all, it got many pages to burn
but I burnt the bible I don’t think anyone understands it anyway
I burnt the bible because I am cold in Austin Texas in November
I burnt the bible because I done reading it
I burnt the bible because I done reading it and I realize God never written
: God is illiterate! good to know
yesssssss
I burnt the bible because I am writing a new one for humans
Jesus’s been dead for a while we need a new system
all saints in all religion was dead dead dead we need to adapt to the new change
:that’s a lot of responsibility.
I’m broke as fuck I need to make money
money run the world
but do you know who run money? money money money? all these money games?
I thought God was giving me a bachelors degree
:So who run the money game
your ass, god, and your brothers and sisters
: and who’s fault is it?
all of us, yours mines and gods
: and what do we fix
fix what?
: you know nobody is truly happy in this worlds you know there’s suffering all around the world
I said, it’s your fault, his fault, her fault, and God fault. Don’t worried about it.
stars will move good one day
go eat some fruit
XVII
詹咪呀上個月初生孩子了。她是在自己家裡的浴缸生的，生了好久，最後孩子的爸把寶寶接住，三十分鐘後剪了臍帶，一個小時又四十分鐘後生了胎盤，十五分鐘後她站起來洗了個澡，收拾了浴室，下樓把浴巾丟進洗衣機。她說她唯一沒有做好的地方就是水喝的太少，前兩天半滴奶都沒有。我早就知道她會沒事，我的生母生我的時候八成也是這樣生的。當初我的臍帶還是被用扯斷的、用個髒髒的曬衣夾夾著的咧，我還不是活的好好的。詹咪呀說那類的女人給了她很多的信心。
XVIII
XIX
-The End-